


Things Left Unsaid

by screamingatstars



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Lack of Communication, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, can be read as platonic or romantic, gamer tags used only, he still has the blue hair but it isn't a big part of the fic, rated T for some swearing, set after Skeppy's latest stream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28682328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/screamingatstars/pseuds/screamingatstars
Summary: He watched his own expression fall, watched the beaming smile he had been wearing only moments before be slowly replaced with a blank stare and tired eyes. A familiar frustration rose up in his chest, dull but insistent, quiet yet impossible to ignore. The same frustration he had been dealing with for months now, ever since he first tried to arrange a meetup between him and Bad.No, I can’t next week, something just came up.I’m just not feeling 100%, you know? I want the first time we meet up to be perfect.I wish I could, but I’m super busy right now. Maybe another time.Or: After ending the livestream, Skeppy can't help but think about how Bad dodged the subject of meeting up yet again. So he calls him, in the hopes that maybe this time he'll finally get some answers.
Relationships: Zak Ahmed & Darryl Noveschosch, Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch
Comments: 10
Kudos: 317





	Things Left Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> Please know that I don't intend any disrespect with this fic, and there's a reason I wrote it so the skephalo can be interpreted as platonic or romantic! I love Bad and Skeppy's friendship, and watching Skeppy's livestream inspired me, so now this fic exists and I'm super proud of it. Hope you enjoy!

The muscles in Skeppy’s face hurt from smiling as he gazed at his reflection in the mirror, still riding the adrenaline high from his just-finished stream. The waxy scent of powdered dye hung heavy in the air, and the tips of his fingers were unmistakably blue where they gripped the edges of the sink.

This was real. He had really done this. And it looked fucking _amazing._

He wasn’t quite sure if there had been a point to buying the dye in the first place, other than to fulfill his promise to his fans, but damn was he glad he ended up going through with it. Even if he kind of hated the way his eyebrows looked, seeing his actual hair like this made him feel excited in a way he rarely ever had, especially after hearing Bad’s reaction to it. Maybe he’d have to make this a more permanent thing, he mused, grinning as he ran a hand through the blue. It was a darker shade than his Minecraft skin, sure, but he didn’t care. Matching hadn’t been the point, anyway.

Although he definitely wouldn’t mind if Bad really did end up dying his hair red to match.

He felt his cheeks heat up slightly at the thought, and could even see the pinkish tinge on his skin in the mirror. For just a moment, he allowed himself to imagine it: Stepping off of an airplane, glancing around a half-empty airport, and his eyes landing on a spot of bright red in the distance. Dragging a suitcase behind him as he rushed toward Bad, blue and red getting closer and closer and closer, as he finally got to see his best friend’s face in person…

_I’m busy this month, maybe in February._

_Any time of year after this month, I’m good._

The imagined scenario slipped from his mind like water through his fingers. He watched his own expression fall, watched the beaming smile he had been wearing only moments before be slowly replaced with a blank stare and tired eyes. A familiar frustration rose up in his chest, dull but insistent, quiet yet impossible to ignore. The same frustration he had been dealing with for months now, ever since he first tried to arrange a meetup between him and Bad.

_No, I can’t next week, something just came up._

_I’m just not feeling 100%, you know? I want the first time we meet up to be perfect._

_I wish I could, but I’m super busy right now. Maybe another time._

How many times had he heard this same exact thing?

_I’m sorry, Skeppy. I’ll make it up to you, I promise._

_I’m not trying to get out of it, you muffinhead, you know that._

_Of course I want to! You’re my best friend, Skeppy, of course I want to meet up with you._

The edges of the sink dug into his palms.

_Aw, thank you, Skeppy._

_Oh my gosh, Skeppy!_

_Aw, I love you, too, Skeppy._

Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it!

He pushed himself away, turning his back on the mirror and the blue he didn’t want to look at anymore. Balling up his fists, he left the bathroom and leaned against the wall, squeezing his eyes shut against the images of Bad’s Minecraft skin, of his real-life face, that seemed to have imprinted themselves on his vision. It didn’t help. All he could see was a black figure with a red hood; pale skin and black sunglasses and that stupid flame filter. A freshly-shaved head flashed to messy reddish hair, then eyes that held nerves and softness in equal measure. Blocky limbs, stiff movement, a pixelated design. And a voice. _His voice._ The common thread between the two radically different pictures, the one thing that signaled these were indeed the same person, hidden behind a computer screen or a camera lens. That voice that echoed in his ears and refused to stop showing up in his dreams.

BadBoyHalo.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. He wanted to laugh until his sides hurt and he could barely breathe.

_You’re seriously busy this entire month?_

_So February first, you’re good to meet up?_

_Do I believe this, chat?_

He wanted to. He wanted to believe Bad more than anything.

Except he couldn’t. Too many times he had been so close to buying a plane ticket, so close to finally taking the plunge, only for Bad to message him and explain that they couldn’t. At this point, a part of him was resigned to never getting to meet in person at all.

Letting the back of his head thump softly against the wall, Skeppy let out an exhausted sigh and ran a hand down his face. It came away wet.

He hadn’t even noticed he was crying.

It shouldn’t have been a big deal, he chastised himself. They were still best friends, even if they had only ever met online. Hell, it had been months -- maybe even a year -- since they went a single day without talking, whether through a video call or a voice chat or whatever else. How many real-life friends could say that? How lucky was he, that he got to have this close of a connection with anyone at all?

Tears were still flowing freely down his cheeks, even as he tried in vain to talk himself out of it. He’d definitely have to take out his contacts at this rate, and he’d probably have to scrub his hands raw in order to make sure he didn’t accidentally blind himself with leftover powder traces, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Not when the blue stains on his skin were from cheap dye that carried so much more meaning than it had an hour before, not when the shape of an ‘I love you’ was still fresh on his tongue. He was… well, he wasn’t completely sure what he was, if he was being honest. A mess for sure. But mess or no, he felt like he had earned a good cry right about now.

There was a hollow emptiness in his chest, right where all his elation had been. That sinking feeling, the one that whispered about Bad secretly being annoyed by him or thinking he wasn’t good enough, was taking root quickly. Skeppy knew how this went: it was going to keep growing, and if he didn’t do something to stave it off, there would be no chance of getting any sleep tonight. So he did the only thing he could think of.

He took a deep breath, wiped away what tears he could, and called Bad.

It only rang once before the call went through.

“Hello?” Bad answered, sounding confused. “Skeppy? Did you start the stream back up or something?”

Skeppy struggled to speak around the lump in his throat. “No. Not streaming. I just… wanted to talk.”

“Skeppy?” There was the telltale note of concern in his voice. Of course Bad would pick up right away that something was wrong. “You sound upset, what’s going on? You doing okay?”

“Not really.” There was a beat of silence, Bad giving him space to say more. His legs began to shake, and he slid down the wall until he was sitting on the ground, knees pulled into his chest. “I was thinking about what happened, during the stream. When we talked about possibly meeting up.”

This time, the silence was palpable, a tensioned rope stretched between them.

“I mean…” Bad spoke slowly, cautiously, like he was walking on eggshells with his words. Like Skeppy was fragile, and might break if he said the wrong thing. “What was it, exactly, that has you feeling… you know, not so good?”

Skeppy had to repress the urge to groan. As it was, his patience was worn thin, his emotions already wrung out and pushed too far. “Bad, I think you know what. Can we not do the whole dodging the issue thing right now? I feel like we’ve never had this conversation straight, and at this point I’m just tired of it.”

Skeppy could all but see Bad’s shoulders tensing up. “Okay,” he said. “Okay. If this is what you want, we can talk about it. Sure.” A shuddering rush of breath came through the line. “Where do you want to start?”

“Do you actually want to meet me in person?” The question was out of his mouth without even having to think about it. “For real, is that a thing you want. Because from where I’m standing, it kinda looks like you don’t, and if that’s the case I’d rather you told me now instead of dragging it out for another year.”

“What?!” Bad’s stunned outrage caught Skeppy off guard. “I would never do that to you, never. I genuinely want to see you, I promise.”

“You’d never do that?” Skeppy laughed ruefully, voice breaking halfway through. “Hate to break it to you, but that’s basically what you’ve been doing. Every single time I bring it up, you find some excuse to put it off until later, and every time later actually comes you do it again. It’s been like a year, Bad.”

“It has?”

“Yes, it has.”

“Oh my goodness…” Bad’s voice trailed off, shocked. “I hadn’t even realized, I… I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry, Skeppy.”

Disappointment, clear and cold, spiked through his blood. “Yeah, that’s what you always say.”

“No, I mean- I’m sorry I haven’t explained sooner, why stuff keeps coming up. You shouldn’t have to wonder… you know, if I’m trying to avoid it because I don’t like you, or something. Which I’m not, by the way-“

“What do you mean, you’re not?” Skeppy interrupted. “Do you mean you’re not avoiding it, period, or that you are avoiding it, but not because you don’t like me?”

“The second one,” Bad admitted guiltily. “Look, it’s complicated, okay? I’ll tell you everything right now, if you want.”

Skeppy wrapped his free arm around his knees. “Yes, that’s exactly what I want. I want you to tell me what the fuck’s going on with you.” He had cussed intentionally, for the corner of his aching heart that desperately wanted comfort, hoping that Bad would reprimand him by saying ‘language’ as if they were having a normal conversation. But he didn’t. And while it didn’t give him the reprieve he had halfheartedly been looking for, that was the moment Skeppy realized Bad was fully serious about this.

“Whenever I said that something came up,” Bad started, “that was only sometimes true. Maybe… half the time, I’d say.”

“So you were lying to me the other half of the time.” Skeppy hadn’t meant for it to come out so sharp, and started to apologize, but Bad cut him off before he could.

“Don’t say sorry, it’s true.” There was a small sniffling noise on Bad’s end. “And I know that wasn’t the smartest decision, or the best one, I know that. Lying isn’t good. And I hated having to lie to you, especially.”

“You didn’t have to, though!” Skeppy said, indignant. He knew in the back of his mind that he should probably calm down, that he didn’t want to be angry at Bad or talk to him like this, but at the same time there was something inside of him that was snapping loose. A pent-up pressure, sadness and anger, demanding to be released. “You could’ve just told me the truth! What were you trying to hide so bad?”

“I was scared, Skeppy! Okay? Is that what you wanted to hear?” He was full-on crying now, choking on sobs every few words, and each one felt like a knife to Skeppy’s heart. “I lied because the thought of you seeing me in person, me and my stupid hair and my stupid house and my stupid life, terrifies me! And call me irrational all you want, but I can’t help but think that the second you meet me for real you’ll figure out you can do so much better. You could have any best friend you wanted in the whole wide world, and _I’m_ the one you settled for?” He chuckled miserably. “Don’t get me wrong on this: I love you a lot, and I know you love me, but you can never know for sure what’s going to happen the first time we see each other until it happens. What if you change your mind about me?”

The tears were coming back in full force, blurring Skeppy’s vision, and there was a whole bundled-up knot of conflicting feelings going on inside him. Anger that Bad hadn’t told him all this sooner. Relief that he himself wasn’t the reason Bad had been so hesitant. Despair that Bad had thought, even for a single second, that Skeppy would ever leave him behind. Guilt that he had somehow missed it.

“I don’t want to lose you, Skeppy.” There was a whole world of emotion in the way he said it, open and forceful and raw. “What we have now is… it’s the most amazing thing in my life. _You’re_ the most amazing thing in my life. So every time you asked about meeting up and I considered going through with it, it was like I was betting our entire friendship, and I wasn’t willing to risk that. I just… I couldn’t, no matter how much I wanted- how much I _want_ to see you.”

It hit Skeppy suddenly, all at once, that Bad was- maybe had always been- equally as vulnerable and insecure about this as him. That realization was like a freight train slamming into his stomach, knocking the breath out of his lungs and leaving him gasping for air.

“God, Bad,” he whispered, reaching up and yanking on a fistful of his hair. “I… I had no clue…”

Bad sniffed, then exhaled shakily. “I know, and that’s on me. Looking back, I should’ve told you from the beginning. We could’ve talked this out sooner.”

“But…” There were so many thoughts running through his head, and all of them were moving too fast for him to grasp. Reassurances and apologies and sympathies and questions.

Eventually, when Skeppy failed to find the exact words he was looking for, Bad sighed.

“Skeppy.” Hearing his friend’s voice tremble like that was almost too much. “None of this has been fair to you, and I’m sorry for that. I know I should’ve been doing the communication thing long before now, and I’ve been a terrible friend. But I want to fix it, so…” A beat. “How does the 16th sound?”

“You mean…” Skeppy almost didn’t believe his own ears. “To meet up?”

“Yeah. I’m free that entire weekend, actually. If you want, I can buy a plane ticket right now, and I’ll be there for your birthday.” Bad laughed, but it was short, tense. “We can get drunk on stream together, like you said.”

Despite the fact that Bad couldn’t see him, Skeppy was already shaking his head before he had even finished speaking. “No, you hate flying and we both know it. If you’re serious about this-“

“I am.”

“-then I’ll come to you, okay? Let me worry about travel stuff.” The surety he had been searching for was finally making an appearance, drying his eyes and giving him the strength he needed. “We gotta talk about all… _this_ once I get there, though. All the things you said. You realize that, right? From what you told me, it sounds like this is going to be… a lot to handle, and we can’t keep ignoring it anymore.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Bad said quietly. “I don’t know how good I’d do at keeping any of it under the surface, either.”

Skeppy stopped to take a breath before saying softly, “Well, luckily you won’t have to.” He reached out his hand reflexively, as if he could touch Bad’s arm and console him even from miles away. “And for the record, even if it’s hard for you to believe, I haven’t ‘settled’ for you as my friend. Honestly, I think you might be the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

It took nearly a full minute for Bad to respond after that. A full minute of Skeppy sitting in the dark, holding the phone to his ear, and letting the silence grip them both. Quite possibly the longest minute of his life, but he knew he would gladly wait any amount of time, no matter how long, if Bad needed it.

“I… Skeppy, I can’t promise I won’t be nervous the day you get here,” he said at last, “and I can’t promise anything about not worrying, either. I’m still scared, and it’s going to take a while to unlearn that. But…” he hesitated, and on his next words, there was a spark of something brighter in his voice; hopeful. “I still can’t wait to finally meet you in person.”

“That’s okay, Bad. Seriously. I get it.” He felt like he did, at least partially. And until they could talk face-to-face, that would have to be enough. “And I’m excited to see you, too. I’ll be looking forward to it a ton.”

‘A ton’ didn’t really even begin to cover it, but he knew Bad would understand. While they were learning together that some things needed to be said out loud, other things could remain unspoken between them, go unacknowledged, yet still be fully known.

“Love you, Skeppy.”

His mouth lifted into a smile. “Love you, too, Bad.”


End file.
